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Middle School Safety Guide

Interactive guides for middle schoolers navigating friendships, emotions, digital life, and growing independence. Essential topics for ages 11-14.

6th Grade

Middle School Year 1 Middle school is the essential time within a child's development where they build the foundation for their interest and interpersonal skills. This is a crucial period for your child's social and emotional development, where they strengthen their abilities to have positive social interactions, creating a foundation for success.

Healthy Boundaries

Helping children understand healthy boundaries is one of the most important steps in raising confident, respectful, and emotionally aware individuals.

Key Points

Boundaries teach kids how to protect their feelings, respect others, and build trusting relationships
Boundaries give children a sense of safety and self-respect
When children know their limits, they are less likely to feel overwhelmed or taken advantage of
Healthy boundaries strengthen relationships by building trust, honesty, and mutual respect
Help kids understand rules as reciprocal - people are in charge of their own bodies
Listening when people are talking is how we stay safe and make sure other people are safe

💬 Conversation Starters (1)

Teaching about reciprocal boundaries

Parent: “Sometimes things that seem fun to you are not fun for the other person. Like if you want to jump on your friend's back because that sounds fun, but if you don't ask first and make sure they're ready, someone could end up getting hurt.”

Child: “So I should always ask before doing something to someone else?”

Parent: “Exactly! And if someone doesn't ask you first, you have the right to say no or tell them to stop.”

Respecting a child's boundaries

Child: “I don't like being tickled.”

Parent: “I hear you and I won't do it again. Thank you for telling me what makes you uncomfortable. Your feelings are important.”

🎯 Practice Activities (2)

Create a 'Get a Grown-Up' List : Make a list of scenarios when to get an adult: hitting/pushing, someone not taking no for an answer, feeling unsafe or uncomfortable in a situation
Practice What You Preach : Model empathy and self-awareness. When it comes to learning anything, kids look to their parents for cues on how to behave
Use Media Examples : Draw on kids' favorite media, pointing out examples of good or bad behavior. Ask how characters might feel in different situations

Consent & Body Safety

Children need to be taught that their bodies are their own, and that they have the right to say 'NO' when it comes to who touches them and whom they touch.

Key Points

Children have the right to feel safe and be safe
Let children know they're the boss of their bodies
Never force hugs, kisses, or caresses - let them choose how to greet others (wave, high-five, etc.)
Ask for permission before touching children and encourage them to do the same
Help children identify 'safe' adults - those who listen and don't make them feel uncomfortable
Talk about consent outside of the context of sex - borrowing items, posting photos, making plans
Use correct anatomical terms - avoiding alternative words sends the message that body parts are shameful

💬 Conversation Starters (1)

Teaching body autonomy

Parent: “You don't have to hug Grandma if you don't want to. You can give her a high-five or a wave instead.”

Child: “But won't she be sad?”

Parent: “Grandma loves you and will understand that you get to choose how to say hello. Your body belongs to you.”

Discussing consent in everyday life

Parent: “Before you post that photo of your friend, did you ask if it's okay?”

Child: “No, but they're in my photo...”

Parent: “It's respectful to ask for consent before sharing photos of others. They might not want that picture online, and that's their choice to make.”

Digital Safety

Smartphones are essentially little computers, so it's important to understand the risks and implement safeguards to help your child use them safely.

Key Points

Set clear ground rules: types of sites to visit, apps to download, 'blackout' periods requiring disconnection
Examples: distance learning before social media, no devices during meals, digital curfew after certain hours
Research before you buy - understand device capabilities and restrictions
Go beyond safeguards - time, attention, and active conversation are the best tools
Know the platforms your children use - ask them to show you how they use them
If dealing with cyberbullies or potential abuse, report to website, cell phone provider, law enforcement, or CyberTipline.org

💬 Conversation Starters (1)

Starting a discussion about gaming

Parent: “Would you show me how some of your favorite games are played?”

Child: “Sure! This one is really fun...”

Parent: “How do you respond if someone bothers you while you are gaming?”

Discussing online safety

Parent: “Do you feel safe while you are gaming online? Why or why not?”

Child: “Mostly, but sometimes people say mean things...”

Parent: “What do you do when that happens? Let's talk about ways you can protect yourself and when to tell an adult.”

🎯 Practice Activities (2)

Common Tricks Used by Online Offenders : Teach kids to spot: engaging in sexual conversation, directly asking for explicit images, developing rapport through compliments, pretending to be younger, offering incentives
Spot the Red Flags :Watch for: spending increasing time online, getting upset when not allowed device use, taking steps to conceal online activity, receiving gifts from unknown people
Gaming Safety Guidelines :Keep consoles in easy-to-supervise locations, never give out personal information, understand cross-play features, be aware of where your child accesses games

Clean & Healthy Rule

Understanding when it's appropriate for others to see or touch private body parts.

Key Points

The only people allowed to touch or look at a child's private areas are guardians/caretakers or healthcare providers
They are only allowed to do so when it is to keep the child clean and/or healthy
As your child grows older, only healthcare providers should see their private areas for medical reasons
No adults or older children should be showing a child their private areas or asking a child to touch their private areas
Use correct anatomical terms for body parts - this helps children communicate clearly if something inappropriate happens

Bystander Intervention

Teaching your child to be an upstander can make them feel empowered and confident when facing tough situations.

Key Points

An upstander is someone who takes action to prevent or reduce bullying
A bystander is someone who sees bullying but chooses not to step in
By doing nothing, you send a message to the bully that their behavior is acceptable
It takes courage to be an upstander - it may start with becoming more aware of the bullying
There is strength in numbers - every school and community has more caring kids than bullies

🎯 Practice Activities (2)

What You Can Do as a Bystander : Don't laugh, don't encourage, don't participate, stay at safe distance and help target get away, reach out in friendship, support victim privately, tell an adult
Becoming an Upstander : Take action by: getting others to stand up with you, helping the victim, redirecting the bully away, telling an adult who can help, telling the bully to stop
Small Interventions, Big Results : Two words - 'That's bullying' - can open others' eyes to recognize the problem. Small actions can have big impacts.

Private Information

Understanding the difference between secrets and surprises, and what information should stay private.

Key Points

Secrets: not meant to be told, someone could get hurt if kept, it's unfair for adults to ask kids to keep secrets
Surprises: only kept for a short time, everyone is happy when told
No one should ask a child to keep a secret from their parents, guardians, or teachers
Private information includes: full name, address, phone numbers, email, birthdate, school name, images, usernames/passwords, GPS location, family member names, health information
Personal information also includes pictures or videos that reveal details like school uniforms, street signs, or house numbers

💬 Conversation Starters (2)

Discussing online privacy

Parent: “Why is it important to keep personal information private online?”

Child: “So strangers don't know things about me?”

Parent: “Exactly! Even small details like your school name or city can help someone figure out where you are. What should you do if you accidentally share personal information online?”

Understanding secrets vs. surprises

Parent: “Let's talk about the difference between a secret and a surprise. A surprise is something fun that we'll tell soon, like a birthday party. A secret is something we're told never to tell.”

Child: “So surprises are okay but secrets aren't?”

Parent: “If an adult asks you to keep a secret from me or your teachers, that's not okay, and you should tell me right away.”

Reporting & Trusted Adults

Teaching students that reporting someone who is harming themselves or others is not snitching - it's reporting.

Key Points

Snitching/Tattling: reporting to an adult in bad faith, finding an issue within a safe situation
Reporting: telling a trusted adult about a dangerous situation, looking out for safety, speaking up when something is wrong or unsafe
A Trusted Adult is someone who: is reliable, caring, non-judgmental; will help and take action; will remain calm; respects boundaries
Trusted adults can be teachers, administrators, counselors, school staff, community members, parents, or relatives
Encourage your child to make a list of trusted adults collaboratively

🎯 Practice Activities (2)

Create a Trusted Adult List : Work with your child to identify multiple trusted adults they can turn to. Make sure the list includes at least one school staff member.
Model Being a Trusted Adult : Listen without judgment, assist and take action, remain calm when child reaches out, respect their boundaries, help identify other trusted adults
Daily Connection Time : Spend time with your child every day. Any time is better than no time. Make it dedicated to connection, not just about safety topics.

7th Grade

As students enter 7th grade, they face more complex social situations and increased online interactions. This year focuses on understanding harassment, assault, and how to navigate challenging situations both online and offline.

Sexual Harassment Prevention

Sexual harassment is unwanted or unwelcome sexual remarks, actions, or physical advances toward another person.

Key Points

Sexual harassment Sexual harassment Unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature that creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment. Sexual harassment Unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature that creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment. can be sexual, sex-based, or gender-based, regardless of the harasser's orientation or interests
Connecticut does not have specific criminal statutes for sexual harassment
Physical sexual harassment: any unwanted touching of hair, body, or clothing (e.g., unwanted shoulder massages, hugging without permission)
Verbal sexual harassment: unwanted and repeated words, remarks, or jokes about a person's body, gender, or relationships
Examples include catcalling, sexually explicit jokes, and repeatedly asking someone out
Sexual harassment can also be teasing, intimidating, or offensive comments based on stereotypes or bullying based on sex, gender identity, or sexual orientation

Sexual Assault

In Connecticut, all criminal acts of sexual violence are defined as sexual assault.

Key Points

Sexual assault is sexual contact with intimate parts of the body (chest, buttocks, genitals, inner thigh) without consent
It includes any contact through use of force, coercion, fraud, or if the person is mentally or physically incapacitated
The statute of limitations for sexual assault depends on the particular crime charged, the victim's age, and whether there is DNA evidence

The 5Ds of Bystander Intervention

Five different methods to support someone who's being harassed: Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, and Direct.

Key Points

Distract: Create a distraction to interrupt the behavior (start a conversation, ask a random question, shift attention)
Delegate: Get help from an adult, teacher, counselor, or another student in authority
Document: Record what happened if safe - write down details (who, when, where, what). Only record video/photos if safe and with permission
Delay: Check in afterward - 'Are you okay?' or 'I saw what happened' shows support and care
Direct: When safe, speak up clearly and calmly - 'That's not okay' or 'Leave them alone'
IMPORTANT: Never share documentation without the person's consent - being harassed is already disempowering

Sexting

Sexting is the sharing and receiving of intimate messages and nude or partially nude images via cell phone.

Key Points

Sexts may be sent through regular text messages, apps like Snapchat and WhatsApp, or through online games
Children may sext to establish intimacy, impress a crush, be funny, or feel pressured by partners
Kids may not foresee a situation where the person they send a sext to shares it with others
Consequences can be academically, socially, and emotionally devastating
Kids who sext may be at risk for sextortion, getting in trouble at school, being bullied, or legal trouble

🎯 Practice Activities (2)

How to Report NCII (Non-Consensual Intimate Images)
Report to the website/app, CyberTipline.org (can report anonymously), the police, or a trusted adult at school
Take It Down Service
Free service from NCMEC to remove or stop online sharing of nude/partially nude images of people under 18. You remain anonymous and don't send images to anyone.

Sextortion

Sextortion often starts when young people believe they are communicating with someone their own age who is interested in a relationship.

Key Points

Can start on any site, app, messaging platform, or game where people meet and communicate
Perpetrators aim to create feelings of trust to get targets to send intimate images or videos
After receiving content, they threaten to publish it or use violence to get more money, photos, videos, or behaviors
Shame, fear, and confusion often prevent young people from asking for help
No matter what has been sent, the child is still a victim of a crime - none of this is their fault
Best way out: refrain from sending money, save all messages with the sextortionist, speak to a trusted adult
Police can support you, and NCMEC's Take It Down program can help remove intimate images

Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM)

CSAM is any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor (person less than 18 years old).

Key Points

These are not just pictures or videos - they are records of real children being sexually abused
Once uploaded, it can be shared endlessly with the click of a button
Previously called 'child pornography' - important to use new language because children cannot consent to creating pornography
Any images created or sent by minors are considered CSAM, even if they consented
CSAM includes: sexual acts involving a minor, images of child's genitals/private areas, live-streamed abuse, AI-generated content, any content that sexualizes or exploits a child
Goal is not to get minors in trouble, but to teach about risks and lessen chances of engaging in this behavior

💬 Conversation Starters (1)

Teaching body boundaries

Parent: “Let's talk about different types of touches. Safe touches keep you safe and make you feel loved, like hugs or high-fives. Unsafe touches hurt your body or feelings. And there are unwanted touches - these might be safe, but you don't want them at that moment.”

Child: “So I can say no even to safe touches?”

Parent: “Absolutely! You have the right to say no to any touch that makes you uncomfortable, even from family members. Let's practice saying no in a strong but polite voice.”

Title IX

Title IX aims to protect students from sex and gender-based discrimination in education programs or activities that receive federal funding.

Key Points

Student rights from Title IX: get an equal education, be free from discrimination, feel safe at school, report sexual harassment
Schools must take action to prevent sexual harassment
Once a school is made aware of sexual violence, they are legally obligated to respond
Once the Title IX office or designated employee is aware, they must respond - no excuse
Students can file complaints with the Office of Civil Rights (OCR) and have the right to appeal determinations
Appeals must be filed within 60 calendar days and cannot exceed 10 pages (double-spaced)
Can file complaints through state (Commission on Human Rights and Opportunities) or federal agencies (Office for Civil Rights - US Department of Education)

Reporting & Trusted Adults

Understanding the difference between snitching and reporting, and identifying trusted adults.

Key Points

Snitching/Tattling: reporting to an adult in bad faith, finding an issue within a safe situation
Reporting: telling a trusted adult about a dangerous situation, looking out for safety, speaking up when something is wrong
A Trusted Adult: reliable, caring, non-judgmental; will help and take action; remains calm; respects boundaries
Encourage collaborative creation of a trusted adult list - make sure it includes at least one school staff member
Being a trusted adult requires practice and effort - it's okay to have strong emotions but remain calm when a child discloses something

8th Grade

Middle School Year 3 In 8th grade, students are preparing for high school and facing more mature topics. This year includes review of previous content plus understanding consent laws and age-appropriate relationships.

The 5Ds of Bystander Intervention (Review)

Review and practice the five methods to support someone who's being harassed.

Key Points

Distract: Create a distraction to interrupt the behavior
Delegate: Get help from someone in authority
Document: If safe, record details or evidence (but never share without consent)
Delay: Check in afterward to show support
Direct: When safe, speak up clearly and calmly against the behavior
Remember: Being harassed is already disempowering - don't make it worse by publicizing footage without consent

Sexting (Review)

Review of sexting risks and how to report non-consensual intimate images.

Key Points

Sexting can lead to sextortion, school trouble, bullying, or legal issues
Report NCII to: website/app, CyberTipline.org, police, or trusted adult
Use Take It Down service to remove images without sharing them
Never share intimate images without explicit permission from the person in them

Sextortion (Review)

Understanding and preventing sextortion attempts.

Key Points

Sextortion starts when perpetrators gain trust and obtain intimate images
They then threaten to publish content unless victim sends more money, photos, or videos
It is NEVER the victim's fault, regardless of what was sent
Best response: don't send money, save all messages, tell a trusted adult immediately
Police and NCMEC's Take It Down program can help

Child Sexual Abuse Material (Review)

Understanding CSAM and how to stay safe online.

Key Points

CSAM is any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor
Once uploaded, it spreads endlessly - this is real abuse of real children
Any images created or sent by minors count as CSAM, even with consent
Talk with kids about: body boundaries, consent including online boundaries, what to do if someone makes them uncomfortable
Monitor tech use - not just the screen, but behavior changes
Watch for warning signs: withdrawal, anxiety, inappropriate sexual knowledge, avoidance behaviors, grade drops

Frequently Asked Questions

To protect kids from adults. Age of consent laws exist because adults have more power, experience, and brain development than children and teenagers.

Why is there a Romeo and Juliet law?

The goal of the age of consent law is to protect kids from adults, not to punish kids. While it may not necessarily be developmentally appropriate, kids shouldn’t be punished for engaging in sexual behavior with someone around their same age. The Romeo and Juliet law recognizes this and provides exceptions for close-in-age relationships.

No. It is always the older person’s responsibility, because they have more power. This relates to differences in brain development, life experience, and the power dynamics that exist between adults and minors.

Shouldn't it be illegal for anyone under 18 to have sex?

The laws surrounding what’s legal at various ages differ. For example, you have to be 18 to vote or 21 to purchase alcohol. Different ages are set for different rights and responsibilities. The age of consent (16 in Connecticut) is set based on research about adolescent development and the need to protect young people while recognizing that teenagers make their own decisions about relationships with peers.

Why would an adult want to have sex with someone who is 16, even if it is legal?

Any adult who seeks out romantic or sexual relationships with teenagers is exhibiting concerning behavior. Even if something is technically legal, it doesn’t make it appropriate. Healthy adults form relationships with other adults, not with teenagers. If an adult is pursuing a teenager, it raises serious questions about their judgment and motivations.

Additional Resources

External articles, guides, and activities for deeper learning

📚Legal and Reporting Resources

📚Support Services